Some things never change...

Wow, I find it intriguing that I wrote my previous post two years ago and I'm still right there...needing to grow up...needing to be independent of others' expectations...needing to trust God more and myself less...

The other day I was really down on myself about where I am in life right now and I came across this quote two times within three hours! Here it is:

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But here was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that this was my life. This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way." (Souza)

This just made me think about how often I do this. I live in this dream world of tomorrow and miss out on today. I'm working to fix that...and more importantly, trying to find something that I would enjoy doing every day.

I don't know. I confuse myself. I know this to be true..."In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9...this is the constant theme of my life right now.

Why two?

I already use xanga as an outlet. But sometimes I get tired of feeling like everything that I write is being monitored by local eyes. I don't know how often I will use this site but I do think that I will use this as a more private place.

I titled this blog "Learning to trust..." because it best describes my life right now. Sometimes it is so overwhelming trusting my own intuition of God's voice. But that is where I am right now: moving into the part of life where I stop pretending to be making my own decisions...and beginning to trust God to help me actually think and depend upon what Rachel Michelle Leonard needs to do. I don't know everything. Actually, I know very little. But what I do know is that the only way for me to truly step into God's will for my life is to let go of others' expectations and to do what I think is best...after prayer, of course. If I make poor decisions then it is my own fault...and I am better because of it.

So, if you will, this is my page of independence. My grown-up page. This is where I will write of the places to which I dream of going...geographically, spiritually and relationally...learning to trust...God and myself.